I was doing well. Had the first band rehearsal for the new project. It went really well. I had plans rolling in my head. It was looking pretty nice. Then, I asked someone to give me some advice on something that I’d written. The advice he gave me was excellent advice and direction. But I got his advice just as I was in the midst of fighting with the flu. Yeah… I caught that nasty bug that’s been going around. So, feeling yucky already, I found my emotions totally out of whack. At the same time, my wife was out of town tending to some family business. So, I was home alone, feeling physically miserable, emotionally vulnerable… and I got sucker punched by the enemy.
Lemme tellya… it’s been quite some years since I’d faced that kind of crisis of faith. I was suddenly fearful… nervous… leery… just downright scared. I was praying, “God, what am I dong here? Why am I trying to record another project? I know I don’t have the money. I know I can’t pull this off. I’m going to wind up with egg in my face… and I know that won’t bring you any glory.” I was ready to throw my hands in.
The next morning, I woke up, still sick. I got myself into the mood for writing. I figured, whether I was recording the project or not, I needed to finish the songs that I was working on. So, I started working on this song, “Bigger Than I Imagined.” The song was inspired by our Europe tour. We were in Potenza visiting Father Don Franco’s office, seeing the figurines he had acquired from countries all over the world… all celebrating the birth of our Lord. Seeing this clear representation of the global reach of the Gospel I gained a new perspective of how big God is. I just started telling God, “I thought I knew how great You were but You are much bigger than I imagined.” As we traveled to the next city, I started writing the chorus of the song.
So, as I’m thinking about this experience, and about the amazing view of the Alps as we were flying into Milan, Italy… and the snow-capped mountains, and the flight over to the island of Sardinia… the lyrics started to flow… “Even if I climb the highest mountain peak… or sail to an island – far out in the deep… no matter where I am, I’ll find You right there – answering prayer. You are so much bigger – bigger than I imagined. You are so much greater than my mind can see…”
Once I finished writing the song, I called up one of my songwriter friends, Beth Champion-Mason, to bounce the lyrics and tune off her for her critical ear. She shared a few great suggestions and gave her approval. That felt great!
Then out of the clear blue, I got a call from Jonathan DuBose, Jr… yes, THE Jonathan DuBose, Jr. He was responding to a call I’d placed to him a couple weeks earlier. I’d left a voicemail with him asking that he pray with me that God will provide what I needed to do this recording. Jonathan called just to tell me that my prayers had been answered and that every thing that I needed for this project was already in place… and all I needed to do was to step out and watch God fulfill his promise. I felt my courage coming back!
Saturday was our first vocal rehearsal for the project. It was so wonderful hearing Bethany, Neketa, Felicia and Jene singing the harmonies on “I Give You Everything.” During one of the breaks in the rehearsal they were talking about all the friends and family members they were bringing to the recording and how big a crowd they are anticipating for that night. As they were talking I was thinking, “Well, I guess I can’t call it off now. It’s already too big. And these girls would strangle me.” I later sang “Bigger Than I Imagined” for them. After singing it, I realized that those were the words that God was requiring me to live out. If I am going to record it, I need to live it. I need to realize and embrace the fact that God is HUGE… much bigger than a recording budget.
So, Monday I’m thinking through my plan and looking at possible means of generating a considerable amount of the revenue I need for the project. But, I was thinking I couldn’t act on my idea. Then, out of the clear blue… here we go again… I got a completely unexpected word from the Lord through a former piano student. She sent it via MySpace. She said… “just hitting your page to remind you that the Lord will fulfill His purpose in you.” That thing reverberated in the chambers of my spirit. Soon after, I felt led to call my pastor and talk my idea over with him. And the advice, wisdom and support that he gave me just changed everything! Now, I can see my way clearly. My confidence is back. My health is back, too.
But, I feel humbled by the fact that I acted so faithless last week. I got sucker punched and I wasn’t ready for the fight. God brought me through and proved himself. But now I know I need to prepare myself for the next test. I know it’s coming.